BERUIT — Young Hezbollah recruit Muhammed Amin was surprised to learn this week that he’s already been promoted to the position of Regional Manager.
Amin recently joined the ranks of the prestigious terror organization and expected to spend the next several years proving himself before rising through the ranks but was given the unexpected news that he was now in an important leadership role.
“I can’t believe I’m moving up the ladder so quickly!” Amin said. “I was only recruited last week and all of a sudden they’re telling me I am a manager — and not just manager, but regional manager! I can’t believe my luck!”
Amin was immediately given a pager and told to check it for explosives, a directive that worried the young man but he decided not to ask too many questions.
“It’s just so exciting!” he continued. “They said I would be given a free pager and a set of walkie-talkies but that I was to be super careful and not use them too often and something about imminent bodily harm, but I’m sure it’s all just boilerplate corporate orientation stuff. I only wish my mentor could see me, but he exploded last week in what I’m sure is a totally unrelated incident.”
At publishing time, Amin’s supervisor had been killed in an exploding Gameboy Advance incident and Amin had been promoted to the head of Hezbollah.
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