RICHARDSON, TX—In an effort to help his students one day navigate the harsh realities of an adult relationship, local sex ed teacher Robert Emerson reportedly spent class Wednesday teaching male students how to cheat on their pregnant wives. “Over the 9 months a woman carries a child, her body will change a lot, making it all the more necessary for you to have a hot young slam piece to bang on the side,” Emerson said before telling the room full of seventh-grade boys that it was perfectly natural for a man whose wife is pregnant to want to send flirty messages to beautiful women on social media, give his number to a hot young waitress, or hit on his wife’s attractive younger sister. “At 3 months, you’ll want to keep things casual and mostly send sexually explicit photos to your ‘lady friend.’ Then, by 6 months, you’ll likely have escalated to meeting up on weeknights at a local motel. By 9 months, your wife will definitely be suspicious and demand to see your phone, but that’s when you gaslight her and tell her she’s crazy.” According to sources, Emerson later distributed sacks of flour to all his students to simulate what it’s like to be a father turning his young child against their mother after a divorce.
