Disturbing Video Shows Dunkin’ Hatchery Workers Tossing Male Donuts Into Industrial Grinder

CANTON, MA—Shining a light on the unsettling realities behind the foods we eat, a disturbing video shot by undercover activists and posted on YouTube Thursday reportedly shows workers at a Dunkin’ hatchery disposing of male donuts in an industrial grinder. “When a donut hatches at one of Dunkin’s production facilities, a professional donut sexer quickly separates the males from the females by squeezing out the donut’s filling and checking its out-turned anal vent for rudimentary male sex sprinkles,” said Boston-based pastry welfare advocate Addie Tapper, explaining that because male donuts are too chewy for human consumption, they’re discarded into the whirring blades of a machine that—as the activists’ footage shows—instantly shreds the hatchlings into lifeless, doughy pulp. “Dunkin’ claims the process is painless and humane, but this video clearly shows a cruller missing the chute and dying a slow, agonizing death on the ground. While it’s heartening to watch these activists secretly transport a handful of male donuts to a baked goods sanctuary in rural Vermont, millions more are dying barbaric deaths every day, all to satisfy America’s insatiable demand for pastry.” The video follows a government report last month that found stress among Coolattas living in filthy, cramped conditions causes the frozen beverages to brutally slurp one another to death.

The Onion

Jesus Christ is King