MONTGOMERY, NJ—Touting faster relief from the symptoms of delirium common to women, Tylenol introduced a new extra-strength fainting couch Thursday for use by feverish consumers. “This fast-acting chaise longue promises instant relief from agonizing hysteria,” said Victoria Holmes, a spokesperson for Tylenol parent company Kenvue, adding that it was already the No. 1 doctor-recommended piece of furniture for patients in the throes of female mania. “Simply drape one hand over your forehead and lie back on the fever-reducing velvet divan for up to six hours of reprieve from the mental turmoil that comes with having no control over one’s emotions. Also suitable for treating aches and pains caused by a too-tight corset or injury from a dizzy spell.” Holmes added that in serious cases of the vapors, it was safe to combine with other remedies, such as having someone shake one’s shoulders while yelling, “Snap out of it!”
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