KANSAS CITY, MO—In a stunning turn of events that shocked fans during the Chiefs’ game against the New Orleans Saints, sources confirmed Monday night that 34-year-old tight end Travis Kelce had suffered a film-career-beginning injury. “Folks, that was a big hit that Kelce clearly wasn’t prepared for, and he’s been down for several minutes—you can already see him consulting with his agent to see whether there’s any chance of him walking off this field and directly onto the set of a rom-com,” said Monday Night Football play-by-play announcer Joe Buck, describing the catastrophic lower-leg injury expected to leave Kelce confined to movie and television roles for the remainder of his life. “The medical staff are doing their best to apply makeup for a new round of headshots. We can only hope there’s a chance of him coming back as America’s everyman. It’s an incredibly somber night at Arrowhead Stadium.” At press time, both teams had reportedly taken knees at the sidelines to pray that Kelce’s first film saw strong box office returns.
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