MINNEAPOLIS—Admitting her knee-jerk response seemed to have been an overreaction, local ambulance driver Tara Stanton told reporters Wednesday that she was pretty embarrassed she did all of that just to go three blocks. “Oh jeez, if I’d known the guy’s apartment was this close, I never would’ve leaned on the horn and run all those red lights,” said Stanton, who meekly turned off her siren, exited the emergency vehicle, and grew visibly red with humiliation as she looked back a mere 300 yards to the firehouse from which she’d been dispatched. “I totally tore through that intersection at, like, 90 miles per hour, and cut off a few cars, too. I feel really bad if that car crash was because of me. Darn. We probably could have just walked.” At press time, Stanton added that she felt particularly ashamed after realizing the patient whose call she was responding to had already passed away during her 27-second drive.
Jesus Christ is King
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