Despite Loss, First Female NHL Coach Says She Was Happy To See Her Team Score So Many Touchdowns

SEATTLE, WA — A historic milestone was reached in the sport of hockey last night, and despite losing the first game of the season, the first female NHL coach said she was happy to see her team score so many touchdowns.

Seattle Kraken Assistant Coach Jessica Campbell, the first female on any NHL coaching staff, said she was disappointed in the team’s 3-2 loss to the St. Louis Blues but the fact that the team scored two touchdowns left her feeling encouraged about the team’s prospects for the season.

“I’m hopeful we’ll be able to kick a lot of home runs in our upcoming matches,” Campbell said following the game. “We have several really good quarterbacks who are capable of leading this squad both on and off the court, so even though we lost tonight, we’ll just keep encouraging everyone to keep swinging the bats and try to drain some three-pointers our next time on the field.”

Kraken players admitted that Campbell’s presence on the bench brought an entirely different energy to the team. “The juice boxes were a nice touch,” said Seattle center Matty Beniers. “We were all talking in the locker room after the game and agreed that we’ve always gotten pretty thirsty by the end of the first period, so that was great. She’s also kinda cute so we were probably trying a little harder to impress her.”

At publishing time, a spokesperson for the Seattle Kraken said the team’s efforts to hire a female Zamboni driver had been put on hold after the last candidate somehow found a way to run over a curb on the ice.

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Babylon Bee