Jesus' Coming Back

Mom Spends 15 Minutes Hearting Every Message From Last 5 Days Of Family Group Chat

RICHMOND, VA—In an attempt to make clear her feelings of emotional warmth toward their texts and photos, local mom Susan Barnes reportedly spent 15 minutes of her Thursday morning combing through the past five days of her family’s group chat and adding a heart emoji to each message. “My phone was blowing up every 10 seconds, so I finally just turned it off until she was done liking everything,” said Alex Barnes, 16, whose sole contributions to the group chat during the five-day period were a confirmation of when he needed to be picked up from soccer practice and a text indicating “ok” when he was informed dinner was ready. “The only messages in our chat that don’t have any kind of engagement are hers—which are usually pictures of sunsets, detailed updates on the health of our grandparents, or just long run-on sentences that no one ever makes it to the end of. Occasionally, though, she’ll like one of her own photos of us spending time together.” At press time, Barnes family members confirmed their mother had sent a message that consisted of nothing but a large red heart emoji and had then added a heart reaction to the heart.

The Onion

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