‘Now Is Not The Time For Independent Thinking,’ Obama Tells Black Trump Supporters

PITTSBURGH — Former President Barack Obama hit the campaign trail for Kamala Harris Thursday, reminding a group of Black males that election season is not the time to be thinking independently.

“I know you feel like your brains are capable of making a wise and rational decision, but you need to take a moment and stop being all uppity,” Obama said. “Y’all need to go into that voting booth like a bunch of good little brothas and mindlessly punch that ballot for anyone with a ‘D’ next to their name. That’s your only job.”

“For four hundred years, the black man has been put down and told not to think. I’m just asking for eight more years of that.”

Black voters across the country, particularly males, have been questioning Kamala Harris’ positions on everything from the economy to education, and they’re not getting any answers. They say she has no answers at all — only empty platitudes. And platitudes don’t put food on the table.

“I can’t afford groceries,” said Andrew Woods, a middle-class African American from nearby Swissvale. “Why should I vote for her when things were so much better under Trump?”

Obama warned that if Trump took back the presidency, he would usher in an economic era of growth and expansion the likes of which the nation has never seen. And that would make them all look bad.

Duncan Blackwell, an African American employed at the local steel mill, was unconvinced. “I think — “

A visibly irritated Obama cut him off. “That’s your problem! STOP IT!”

At publishing time, Obama accused the group of African American men of racism after they politely asked him to leave.

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Babylon Bee