NEW YORK, NY — Hiring sources within the Fox News Channel Personnel Department reported a strange applicant for a commentary position earlier today: a smokin’ hot 50-something blonde who asked to be called “Tucquerina Carolsina.”
According to Glen Thompson, who works in Hiring at Fox, the applicant first attracted attention with her smokin’ hotness and her perpetually worried-looking furrowed brow.
“She looked like someone who could host a talk show while writing a few columns and a personal website,” Thompson said. “From the looks of it, she might not even be above picking up some spicy interviews — maybe even one with Vladimir Putin. I do hear he’s rather open to doing interviews with Western reporters bearing huge credentials. My biggest concern about Tucquerina is honestly just her facial expression. That worried look under a thatch of luscious hair…where have I seen that before?”
According to Fox News, Tucquerina Carolsina performed well enough in her interviews to potentially land her a “Tonight Show” if she plays her cards right. Interviewers also noted that Tucquerina seemed slightly agitated by any mention of “Dominion” or “voting machines.”
At publishing time, Tucquerina Carolsina had unfortunately not been offered a position at Fox, as she still wasn’t hot enough to cut it.
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