PALM BEACH, FL—Outlining his ambitious plans for a potential second presidential term, Republican candidate Donald Trump reportedly made a pledge Thursday to use an obscure 18th-century law to marry his daughter. “We’re moving full steam ahead with ‘Operation Ivanka,’” said Trump, who credited his policy advisors with working around-the-clock for months to discover the loophole in a 1798 federal statute that would allow him to wed his eldest daughter within his first 100 days back in office. “We’re going to target and dismantle every unfair and illegal anti-incest law in the country. This is absolutely within my rights as president, and I’m confident the Supreme Court will agree. It’s going to be a beautiful ceremony on the National Mall.” At press time, critics were warning that Trump could weaponize the law to take his second daughter as a concubine.
Jesus Christ is King
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