GREEN BAY, WI — Disaster struck at a recent Harris-Walz rally after Tim Walz’s wild, erratic arms movements inadvertently signaled a Boeing 747 to land in the middle of the crowd.
According to the other person at the rally, the sudden crash-landing of a commercial airliner nearly proved catastrophic to Harris’s campaign.
“It was absolutely terrifying,” said local white dude for Harris Gayle Quail as he brushed ashes from his rainbow-colored shirt. “Tim had just started getting into the main part of his argument for tampons in the boys’ bathroom — his hands were going like little tiny LGBTQ+ allied windmills up there — and all of a sudden we hear this ‘WHOOOSSSHHH’ and the next thing I knew, there was a huge flaming wreck of a Boeing in the field behind the pavilion.”
Boeing has issued an official statement resting all responsibility for the crash on Walz.
“At least it wasn’t our manufacturing process this time,” said Benjamin Hurrow, a Boeing spokesperson. “Not us. It was Walz.”
At publishing time, the Harris campaign had demanded that all major news corporations cover the incident just as extensively as they had covered Trump’s mysterious fall on a Butler, PA stage.
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