Elon Musk, one of the Trump campaign’ most powerful donors, recently announced he will give away $1 million daily to swing state voters who sign his PAC’s petition. Here are all of the other ways the billionaire is working to get Trump elected.
Arming Secret Service with katanas: The woke mind virus is no match for the assassin’s blade.
Spawning: It’s unclear if Musk’s humanoid spawn will be eligible to vote, but if they can they will be a significant portion of the electorate.
Buying a MAGA hat: That’s $40 right there.
Giving Eric Trump the name of his hair transplant guy: His name is Doğan, and the döner kebab place next door makes the 13-hour plane ride totally worth it.
Loaning Trump his Grimes: It’s better to have a Grimes and not need it, than need a Grimes and not have it.
Announcing mandatory Tesla software update: On Nov. 5, all Teslas are set to self-drive their owners to a polling place in Lackawanna County, PA regardless of their home state.
Securing the lonely weirdo vote: As sweaty incels go, so goes the nation.
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