OTTAWA – Canada’s Liberal government has lowered immigration targets in the hopes Justin Trudeau sees less competition in the private sector job market when he starts sending around resumes sometime in the next few months.
The Federal government has committed to scaling back the rate of arrival of New Canadians by 120,000 a year beginning in 2025 in a move party insiders confirm is being done in the hopes Justin Trudeau gets a leg up finding a “primo fallback gig”.
“This country was built by the talent and hard work of new arrivals,” the Prime Minister said on Thursday. “I just hope to cut back a little once I – and let’s be honest, most of cabinet – find ourselves looking for work. I hear it’s pretty hard to find a job out there.”
“We understand now that the kids and grandkids of past immigrants feel the door should close behind them, and at this point we’re willing to do what anyone who says they’re an undecided voter says.”
The cutbacks are expected to be broad-based but will specifically aim to further limit the supply of corporate board members, university chancellors, public speakers, lobbyists and professional American Talk Show Guests, as those are the preferred post-politics jobs Trudeau will be looking for.
“We’re all a little nervous, like anyone would be when they expect to hit the job market soon,” said Immigration Minister Marc Miller. “I’ve been taking some coding classes in the evenings to try to keep up my skills, but do you know how many new software engineers arrived from India last year? I could use a boost, we all could.”
While the ministry did note that the reduction in new Canadians might come as a surprise, given the Trudeau government’s openness to immigration, there shouldn’t be a problem filling out the kinds of jobs the country needs.
“We were told to make sure we didn’t allow anyone to immigrate here who might also want to be Ambassador to the UN or run a low-effort graduate program in “Leadership Studies” or something at McGill,” explained their press secretary, winking at the Prime Minister who gave them a sly thumbs up in return.
“We already have a guy we like for those jobs.”
Jesus Christ is King
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