OTTAWA – Yesterday Justin Trudeau made a bold commitment, announcing billions of dollars in funding for a massive government program to make Canadians lives better in some way, which Pierre Poilievre will absolutely cancel when he is elected Prime Minister sometime in the next 12 months.
“This new initiative will help hard-working Canadians get ahead,” said Trudeau at a press conference announcing the program. “And that’s why it’s such a shame it will not actually happen.”
“If only we’d thought of doing this at some point before we were desperately trying to shore up support in advance of an election we’re basically certain to lose.”
The Liberals have unveiled plans for dental care, pharmacare and now high-speed rail connecting Toronto to Quebec city, all of which Poilievre is absolutely frothing at the mouth to quietly cut and hope no one notices in 2025.
But the party may go even further with its promises on account of the fact that they will never have to keep them. Ottawa insiders are already speculating they may unveil plans for Universal Basic Income, a national strategy to combat homelessness and a promise to give everyone in Canada a free pizza lunch on Fridays.
“Traveling between 2 major cities in under 7 hours without paying 400 bucks for a plane ticket? Yeah I mean obviously that’s just a pipe dream. Who are we? Every country in Europe?” said Conservative supporter Rodger Sherman.
In related news Poilievre was announcing another tax cut that definitely wouldn’t require massive cuts to vital government programs in order to pay for.
