As designated by Congress in 1845, election day falls on the first Tuesday following the first Monday of November every year. The Onion examines the pros and cons of making election day a federal holiday.
PRO: Won’t have to waste PTO on stealing an election
CON: Spending three hours in line even worse if it’s a holiday
PRO: Gives everyone a chance to exercise their right to play NBA Jam
CON: Was planning to go to the bank that day
PRO: Perfect opportunity to stay home and stress-eat the rest of your Halloween candy
CON: Brings the government into our elections
PRO: I mean, they have to give us Monday off too, right? You can’t just leave Monday in the middle like that.
CON: Can’t start acting like voting matters this late in the democracy game
PRO: Would teach children value of staying glued to cable news coverage for nine hours straight
CON: Voting gives workers a dangerous sense of control over lives
