Jesus' Coming Back

Tips For Finding Your Personal Style

Buying clothing you’ll enjoy and own long-term can reduce the amount that ends up in landfills. Here are tips for finding your personal style:

  • Use color analysis to determine if you’re a winter, spring, summer, or climate apocalypse.
  • Put together a fun mood board based on the Book of Leviticus. 
  • Walk in and out of the dressing room until your friends stop frowning and shaking their heads “no,” and start smiling and shaking their heads “yes.”
  • Take inspiration from your favorite celebrities who have a similar $100 clothing budget. 
  • Rules are just rules, but as a general guideline, you should never clash superhero characters.
  • Be honest and ask yourself if your ass really is worthy of the term “Juicy.”
  • Go to a department store and tell the salesperson that you just woke up on a Mediterranean fishing vessel with no memory of who you are, and you need help putting together an outfit. 
  • Don’t follow trends too closely, but remember that each gaffe you make shaves another decade off your social relevance.
  • Look glumly into your closet and put on whatever is clean.

The Onion

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