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WASHINGTON, D.C. — Democrats in Washington have expressed disappointment in the Father of Lies, reportedly admonishing Satan for being too moderate.
“Every time I openly call for the sexual mutilation of children by gender surgeons, Satan asks me to ‘tone it down a little.'” said Congressional Representative AOC. “Satan! Can you believe it? He has gotten way too moderate.”
“What a loser!”
AOC is not alone. The remaining members of “The Squad,” including Rashida Tlaib and Ilhan Omar agree. “I used to think he was cool,” Omar told followers on Instagram. “I mean, who doesn’t love abortion? But he wants me to hide who I am. I’m like, hide who I am?! How dare you!”
Former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi reportedly confided in aides that Satan was being kind of a pest by continually asking Democrats to pretend to be sane just for a while so he could get some of them elected. “The nerve of that guy!” she exclaimed.
The Father of Lies, for his part, has expressed regret that things have gotten so out of hand. “You know, I didn’t leave the Democrat Party. The Democrat Party left me,” he said in an emotional address to little Suzy Perkins on her Ouija board.
At publishing time, Satan had announced he was registering as a member of the Libertarian Party.
Lucifer, the prince of darkness, says the left has gone too far — even for him. Once a card-carrying comrade, he now says leftists are causing too much chaos around the world. Will he change his ways after this incredible realization?
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