Brought to you by: PROLIFE Across AMERICA
Children… who needs them? Think of all the stuff you’d be missing out on while you’re wasting your time loving and raising a bunch of kids.
The Babylon Bee has compiled the following helpful list of amazing experiences you’ll end up missing out on if you have kids:
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Knowing the difference between gonorrhea and syphilis: A useful skill few have the opportunity to learn.
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Waking up with no memory of how you ended up in an alley in Detroit: Everyone deserves the chance to be confused about how they ended up in a totally different city… or state.
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The wonder and joy of abortion: So empowering.
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That coveted promotion to Northwest Regional Assistant Sales Manager: “Regional Assistant Sales Manager” looks way better on a tombstone than “Loving Mother.”
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Running six-hour raids in World of WarCraft: You’ll never be the savior of Azeroth if you have kids to feed and care for.
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Walking your teacup yorkie in a stroller: He looks so cute in the sweater you knit for him.
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Mocking pathetic families who have to spend the holidays together instead of at a half-empty Applebee’s: Those fools don’t know what they’re missing.
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Taking Zoloft and birth control recreationally: It’ll expand your mind.
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Putting half your ping-pong table in the upright position and playing exciting games against the ultimate opponent — yourself: Kids are terrible at ping-pong.
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Dying alone: The only thing worse than dying is having people watch you do it. Now you can die in lonely despair the way people are supposed to.
These are only a handful of the great things you will never get to experience if you have children. What moments of your life would you have missed out on if you had children? Let us know in the comments.
NOT SATIRE: Did you know a simple Billboard can help save a baby’s life? It’s true. So often, someone experiencing an unplanned pregnancy may not know about alternatives to abortion or that help is available. That’s why PROLIFE Across AMERICA’s Billboards have proven to be lifesaving.
All of our Ads feature our 800# Hotline for Help, which connects callers to pro-life centers nationwide. So often, our Ads may be the only sign of hope and help to those in need. Here’s a recent caller: “I just saw your Billboard … I’m pregnant and I want to keep the baby, but the father of the baby has threatened me if I don’t have an abortion.” We were able to refer her to a local clinic for help.
You can help us save babies and join us in this life-saving outreach. PROLIFE Across AMERICA is a nonprofit, non-political, and totally educational organization.
BIG NEWS: We made a movie, and you can watch the trailer NOW:
