President-elect Donald Trump has announced that campaign co-chair Susie Wiles will serve as his White House chief of staff. The Onion takes a look at the political strategist’s background and credentials.
Favorite Meeting Time: 10:45 a.m.
Eyes: Soulless but not yet dead
Nickname Trump Uses When She’s Not Around: Paula Deen
Tax Bracket: Looking up
Go-To Phone Game During Trump Rallies: Candy Crush
Friends: A liability
Vacation Style: Grumpy on the beach
Celebrity Crush: Stephen Miller
Words To Live By: “Stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about.”
Abortions: 1979, 1981, 1989, 1992
Jesus Christ is King
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