OTTAWA – Pierre Poilievre continues to refute all Liberal Party attempts to tie him to President Donald Trump, insisting that if people pay close attention they’ll see he’s way more of a JD Vance type.
“Canadians see right through the Liberals pathetic attempts to associate me with President Trump,” said Poilievre. “They know I’m nowhere near that charismatic and if I ever got shot I’d cry for days.”
“When I am Prime Minister I promise to bring the same weird, mannequin come to life and still figuring out social graces energy to my work that Mr. Vance brings every day.”
Poilievre was quick to point out other similarities to Vance, including their recent makeovers, their inability to make small talk with service workers, and their love of cosplaying as everyday folks while maintaining first-class lifestyles.
“Plus we both love dropping hints about how much we want to control women’s bodies and then denying we’re going to pass any legislation about controlling women’s bodies.”
However Pierre denied ever having sexual intercourse with a couch, stating he had “only gone to second base” with an armchair once.
