WASHINGTON—After bending the rules with a celebratory serving in honor of his special day, White House officials confirmed Wednesday that President Joe Biden had been given human food as a birthday treat. “I know he’s not technically supposed to eat this kind of stuff, but we figure once in a while on a special occasion a ground beef patty on a sesame seed bun can’t be too bad for him,” said White House executive chef Eric Aikens, slyly explaining how his team decided to bypass the preplanned feeding schedule advised by the medical staff who oversee the president’s strict diet. “Whenever we give him a little taste of what’s on the table, he goes wild for it. Sometimes human food upsets his stomach, so we might pay for it later, but every birthday boy needs a treat. We’ll even put a little candle on top of the hamburger patty for him—who knows how many birthdays the little guy has left?” According to sources, the chef completed the president’s birthday plate by sneaking an antifungal pill beneath the pile of mashed potatoes.
