Barron Trump Returns Home To Find Melania Converted Room To Unending Labyrinth Of Darkness
PALM BEACH, FL—Sighing as he pulled on the head of a gargoyle while searching for a secret entrance to his old closet, Barron Trump reportedly returned home from college Tuesday to find his mother, Melania Trump, had converted his room into an unending labyrinth of darkness. “I know she always wanted a cold, inescapable void in the house, but I’ve only been gone a few months, and now I have nowhere to put my stuff,” said the youngest Trump child, who expressed frustration that a sudden breeze blew out every torch he tried to light in the ceaseless network of stone corridors. “I realize that I don’t live here anymore, but it’s super annoying to bypass the Minotaur every time I need to grab my shoes. I don’t even mind that she changed it—I just wished the creeping vines weren’t constantly rearranging the maze behind me. It took me four hours to find my bed, and I couldn’t even sleep because of all the whispering ethereal voices. Now I can’t find my way back, and every time I look in a mirror I realize I’ve returned to the beginning. Maybe I just need to tie a rope to myself or something like that.” At press time, sources confirmed Barron was running headlong into the void after hearing a low growl as something gnawed through his rope.
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