President-elect Donald Trump promised to abolish the U.S. Department of Education. The Onion examines the pros and cons of eliminating the federal agency.
PRO: Paves way for bold new predatory loans
CON: Without standardized testing, it is impossible to tell which of the nation’s youth should be selected for the new super-soldier program.
PRO: Take that, nerds!
CON: Puts the onus on the Pizza Hut Book It! program to set national literacy standards
PRO: States can independently budget which teachers need AK-47s versus simple pistols.
CON: Nagging feeling that education is an issue of national importance
PRO: Dumber, less informed citizens take the pressure off stressed-out elected officials.
CON: Harder than just defunding it until it’s completely ineffectual
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