MOSCOW—Just days after rebels seized Damascus, deposed Syrian President Bashar al-Assad reportedly returned to practicing ophthalmology at a Moscow LensCrafters, sources confirmed Tuesday. “Which one is better—one or two?” said the former brutal dictator who had imprisoned, tortured, and killed tens of thousands of his own people and was now standing behind a phoropter as he conducted a routine eye exam on a 26-year-old Russian graduate student. “Now the good news, Ms. Komarova, is that your vision has only changed a tiny bit since your last appointment. The bad news is you do have a touch of dryness in your left eye. Eye drops can run a tad expensive, but I do have a few free samples you can try.” At press time, Assad was threatening the front desk receptionist with sarin gas after she made a mistake with the scheduling software.
Jesus Christ is King
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