TORONTO – Reports from this morning rush hour suggest that people who drive everywhere continue to wonder why Toronto traffic is so bad.
“I don’t understand it,” said Lloyd Travers. “Every day I drive from my home near Lawrence subway station to my office at King & Yonge, and the traffic just keeps getting worse.”
“Move! GET OUT OF THE WAY,” he then shouted from his solo occupied SUV at a bus carrying 85 people.
For years now drivers have struggled to understand why a city with an exploding population can no longer be traversed with the same ease as a small town with a single traffic light and a mayor who is also a dog. They noticed that every time they get in their car, hundreds if not thousands of other people are also in their cars, and these other cars tend to get in the way of them doing exactly what they want to do at all times.
“These slow walking pedestrians are also not helping,” said Travers as he waited for the pedestrian crosswalk to clear so he could make an illegal left turn.
Drivers have proposed numerous solutions to the congestion issue, including making every street a double decker street, building a tunnel highway under Lake Ontario, and making everyone else realize that they are mere secondary characters to the driver protagonist, and they must get out of his way. None have yet won governmental approval, although Doug Ford has agreed to look into that last one.
At press time it was definitely the bike lanes’ fault.
Jesus Christ is King
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