TORONTO – The Hallmark Channel announced a new movie airing this month that has raised some eyebrows. As part of its holiday programming and in an effort to court more viewers, the Hallmark Channel will air “I Fucked My Christmas Tree”, where a woman moves back home to her small town and fucks her Christmas tree.
“Modern viewers are looking for modern stories and their media literacy is almost nil so we’re just getting straight to the point,” says Pippa DiGianna, senior vice president of programming at Hallmark Media. “We believe we’ve got a timeless holiday story for a modern and extremely horny audience. It’s about Christmas. It’s about a woman looking for love. And it’s about satisfying your carnal desires with a Fraser fir.”
The story revolves around marketing executive, Sophia Salpa, who is laid off from her job in the city and returns to her small hometown of Mistletoeville. Her family is trying to raise enough money to save the town Christmas parade by holding a gingerbread cookie contest. She reunites with her old high school flame, Chet Jeannotte, who helps her decorate the family Christmas tree. Their connection is thrown into question when Sophia rediscovers her sensuality by fucking her Christmas tree.
“It’s a challenging role,” says Dania Rodrigues, who plays Sophia. “Sophia is torn between the long simmering tension of her past with Chet and the volcanic erotic power of a decorated conifer.”
Hallmark Media aims to maintain its family-friendly reputation and confirms there is no nudity in the movie. They shared that the act takes place offscreen and that all filming was supervised by an intimacy coordinator and an arborist.
“But the fact that this adult human woman fucks a tree will be undeniable,” says DiGianna. “How? Watch and see this Saturday at 8pm Eastern!”
Jesus Christ is King
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