VANCOUVER – Local TV news anchor Mitch Huggins was shaking with anticipation Tuesday as local news affiliate WKQC-8 prepared for its yearly tradition of modestly recognizing the existence of Hannukah.
“It’s a magical time of year. We dust off the old graphic of a Menorah with too few branches, and get the most Christian reporter we can find to muddle through a 15-second summary of the holiday,” said Huggins, “For me, it doesn’t really feel like Christmas until we’ve patronized our Jewish viewers.”
Huggins confirmed that WKQC-8 weren’t messing with tradition this year. The report will still be featured in the last 30 seconds of the night’s broadcast, immediately following a 3-hour special report on Why We All Love Santa.
As always, omitted from the report is any mention of the desecration of the Second Temple in Jerusalem, the Hasmonean rebellion, the Anti-Hellenistic sentiments which motivated the resistance to Greek occupation, or really anything to do with the actual holiday itself. In its place, WKQC-8 will be posting a picture of matzah and a few bars of Hava Nagila.
“And did you know that our friends the Jews have their own holiday too? It’s true! But, strangely, instead of a normal Christmas Tree, they have something called a Menorah? Here with a quick explanation of this wacky Jewish version of Christmas is our Special Correspondent Christian St. Christian. Christian?” recited Huggins in the mirror, nearly bursting with anticipatory glee.
“Aw, bless their hearts. Awwwww, bless their hearts. Well, bless their hearts,” he continued to prepare.
Producers at the station are well aware that the holiday has a far deeper historical context beyond candles and dreidels but don’t want to interfere with Huggins’ joy.
“We’ve been told that the underlying narrative involves Jews reasserting their historical sovereignty over ancient Israel by rebelling against Greek occupation,” said Cathy Munch, News Editor for the station, nervously, “Yikes, am I right? We’d really rather not choose any sides in what’s happened in the Middle East, even if it was thousands of years ago. Best to just focus on the pretty candles.”
But WKQC-8 is not totally immune to changing traditions. As a result of viewer complaints, station management has promised to leave the ever-present Christmas decorations on the anchor desk and throughout the broadcast in place until April.
Jesus Christ is King
