MONCTON – New Brunswick finally has a resident who has mastered the art of counting to two – presumably without using their wings.
When Sam, a two-year-old peregrine falcon, was rescued from the smoldering remains of a presumably-arson’d Pizza Hut just a few weeks ago, his rescuers never imagined he had a secret skill.
“He has kind of a dumb bird face,” wildlife specialist Allison Marks commented while gesturing to the dumb bird face in question. “I’ve seen a lot of birds and usually you can tell when the lights are on and somebody’s home. Sam’s face? Totally blank. But he can count to two, so…”
Sam’s special skill was discovered after he was placed in an enclosure with two other peregrine falcons for companionship. After Sam mauled both birds to death, he squawked on those thangs twice – once for each of his felled victims, and each squawk sounding remarkably like the numbers “one” and “two” in english
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“Ever since then, we’ve been sending things into his enclosure in pairs to test his counting skills,” Marks continued. “Colored blocks, mice, interns… All of them end up mauled to ribbons, and each time Sam squawks ‘one, two’ when he’s finished. It’s like he’s Koko the gorilla, the bird.”
When questioned if perhaps Sam’s dead-eyed murder spree was a result of bird psychopathy, local rehabilitators laughed nervously.
“Um, probably not! Haha,” Marks said, eyeing Sam subtly. “We can’t really test for that – it’s mostly just the counting thing. And those of you on Reddit who seem to believe Sam set the Pizza Hut fire intentionally, get a grip. That fire started in THREE rooms – well beyond Sam’s counting capability.”
When asked directly for comment, Sam locked eyes with handler Allison Marks and squawked – three distinct times.
Jesus Christ is King
