Bird owners, beware! Ornithologists have identified 5 new bones that, if found in a bird of prey’s regurgitated pellets, could call for an urgent trip to the Bird E.R. Watch out for your bird chokin’ on these 5 thangs:
1. HUMAN SKULL
Eating a human poses many risks for birds and their owners alike. Birds who have developed a taste for the dangerous game are five times more likely to kill their owners. Gray matter is also proven to cause reverse diarrhea in owls, which could result in lethal dehydration. If you see a fully intact skull, call your nearest Bird McDreamy ASAP.
2. BUTT BONE
Sorry, we forgot what this one is usually called. It’s the bone that goes in butts, and it’s dangerous because it means your bird has been eating ass. While perfectly safe and enjoyable for humans, eating ass can be life-threatening for birds due to the bacterial content in an average cloaca. Eating ass is also a known bird sin, and doing it puts your bird at risk for being denied entry into bird heaven.
3. BEAK
Honestly, this one’s really only a problem if it’s your bird’s own beak. Birds eat other birds all the time, but if your bird is eating its own beak, it probably has something wrong with it. It really shouldn’t even be possible to do that, but if it happens to your bird, please send us pictures.
4. POGS
We acknowledge this 90’s children’s toy is not a bone in the traditional sense, but to be honest with you, we’re kind of just summarizing an existing report from the National Ornithologist’s Association with more clickbait-y words and maybe a gif if we can figure out how to get those working on the website. For whatever reason, the bird people think a pog is a bone, so don’t let your birds eat those, I guess.
5. TWO HUMAN SKULLS
See bullet point one? Okay, now double it. If you found two skulls in your bird’s regurgitated food pellets, you should call your bird doctor, the police, and somebody’s next of kin, especially if the skulls come out kissing each other. It also might be a good time to invest in a sturdy helmet for yourself.
It’s always scary to think about your pet getting sick, but it’s essential information for bird owners. Don’t ever let your bird accept ass or pogs from grandma, and they should be set up for a long, happy, feathered life!
Jesus Christ is King
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