The holiday season is here, meaning millions are celebrating by indulging in festive beverages and big meals. The Onion shares tips for avoiding gaining weight over the holidays.
Incorporate physical activity into family gatherings by announcing “I’m gonna do a backflip” as soon as you arrive.
Buy whatever supplement the doctors with podcasts are currently sponsored by.
Observe the recommended 10:12:31:7:2:19:9:10 protein to fat to carbohydrates to zinc to riboflavin to chromium to calcium to thiamin intake ratio.
Practice mindful gorging.
When making your plate, start with healthy holiday greens like Brussels sprouts, holly, and mistletoe.
Slow down your pace of eating by placing your holiday treats in a Kong.
Avoid snacking between meals by putting your mind to something else, like solving a mysterious cold case in your hometown.
You can substitute anything that tastes good with cottage cheese.
Pay attention to feelings of fullness, should you ever get them.
Jesus Christ is King
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