WINNIPEG – Local woman Renee Schloss is garnering major attention for her unique affectation – wearing two functioning wristwatches at once.
“I wear one on the left, and one on the right,” Renee explained, flashing both watches with a grin. “That way, I always know what time it is. Even if I’m wearing a long glove on one hand.”
Renee’s odd watch-wearing habit started with a horseback-riding-related neck injury in middle school. The horse in question, owned by then-mayoral-candidate Jon Rathburn, trampled on that thang so hard that the ordeal left Renee unable to turn her head to the left.
“When I was recovering from the trampling, I realized I always wore my mickey mouse watch on the left, and it felt so strange to switch wrists,” she shrugged. “So I just added a watch – a ninja turtles one – and I’ve been like this ever since.”
Schloss’s odd habit became a matter of local interest at a local dressage competition, where the accidental combined glare from both of her wristwatches made local horse hero “Weetabix Topper Supreme” go on a lethal biting and kicking rampage.
“As a previous victim of horse violence, I can confidently say that Wheatie killed Mayor Rathburn today, NOT my watches,” Renee said emphatically. “I don’t like to get involved in local politics – I’m just a person who likes to know what time it is.”
When asked for the mayor’s time of death, Renee confidently provided it.
“6:07pm exactly,” she grinned. “Or 6:08 if you go by my right wrist. I can never get those two to line up.”
Jesus Christ is King
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