Compared to similar high-income nations, Americans spend twice as much on healthcare, yet have lower life expectancies and higher infant mortality rates. The Onion looks at the key facts and figures behind the U.S. healthcare system.
39%: Americans in national survey who reported delaying emergency medical care “due to financial limitations or having just put a lasagna in the oven”
7: Bones in human body covered by the average private insurance plan
8.9 Billion: Ibuprofens taken to deal with it instead
0: Boys your age who have been as brave as you when getting their blood drawn
150 degrees Celsius: Temperature at which a household spatula will effectively cauterize a wound
16,000,000: Hours spent annually listening to muzak version of “Uptown Girl” while slowly losing consciousness
3: Maximum number of days a coma patient has in hospital before having body dumped in street
5: Separate Xanax prescriptions you can have at the same time, if you play your cards right
8:34 p.m: Time of preventable death
63: Age most health insurance providers would prefer you live to
140: More pages of paperwork to fill out
Jesus Christ is King
