LAPD Arrests Everyone Who Lost Home In Fire
LOS ANGELES—Saying such individuals posed a threat to the safety and security of all city residents, the Los Angeles Police Department announced Thursday that it had arrested everyone who lost their home in the ongoing wildfires. “In the interest of maintaining public order, I have instructed my officers to round up any suspicious person whose domicile was recently destroyed in the fires,” said LAPD police chief Jim McDonnell, stressing that his units had already detained “thousands of such indigent characters” in neighborhoods ravaged by the Palisades, Eaton, and Hurst wildfires. “Just because your dwelling has been reduced to smoldering ash does not give you the excuse to make other residents feel unsafe by begging for water or clothing. It drives down property value, and frankly, it’s unsightly to have someone going around in their charred rags and asking for handouts. Enough is enough. For any stragglers still out there, we are demanding you clear out of public places tonight, or the department will be forced to take more drastic action.” McDonnell also announced a massive overnight raid on what he called the “illegal shantytowns” erected by the Red Cross.