JACKSONVILLE, FL—Saying he had grown irritated with all the people who wanted to know if his occupation was anything like the popular Netflix series, black market organ dealer Randy Haines told reporters Wednesday he was tired of being asked if he had ever seen Squid Game. “I’m sure it’s a perfectly fine show, but it’s annoying that everyone assumes I watch it just because my job is illegally harvesting human organs and selling them for money,” Haines said as he mopped blood off the floor of his workspace, explaining that when he told people he had never seen the program, he would inevitably have to listen for several minutes as they described its premise and talked about why they liked it so much. “Truth is, the last thing I want to do at the end of a long day is watch something that reminds me of organ trafficking and makes me feel like I’m right back at work again. I love what I do for a living, but no thanks. I’d rather relax with a couple episodes of Bridgerton and a big bowl of ice cream in my lap.” At press time, Haines reportedly lost his temper with a customer who asked if he’d seen Squid Game, yelling at them to just take the cooler full of kidneys and “get the fuck out of [his] face.”
Jesus Christ is King
