Dear Babee: I Told My Husband I Wanted Ice Cream. He Said He’d Get Me Ice Cream, But That He Didn’t Want Any. Is This Grounds For Divorce?

By admin On Jan 23, 2025

Dear Babylon Bee,

I have an ethical dilemma for you. My name is Genevieve and I am married to Andrew, a man who I once thought was the greatest man alive but am now no longer so sure about that.

The trouble all started last Thursday evening when I really wanted ice cream after our weekly date night. I told Andrew that I wanted some ice cream while we were on the way home. He agreed, but then, when we got to the ice cream parlor, he said that he’d get me some ice cream, but that he didn’t want any.

I felt horrified. So my question for the Babylon Bee is simple: is this grounds for a divorce?

Things have been getting worse. I’ve been quietly looking at him out of the corner of my eye every few minutes and waiting for him to come to me and apologize for the last three days, but he refuses to admit what he did and instead asks me provoking questions like, “Is something wrong, hon?” and “You’ve been awfully quiet lately. Is everything all right?”

No, Andrew. Everything is not all right. But I’ll leave it up to the Bee.

What can I do?

Dear Genevieve,

We are sorry to say it, but your husband is a monster.

We are, frankly, just as shocked as you are. How could he betray you like that? How could he leave you so alone? Why would he ever decline a little treat such as ice cream UNLESS he was trying to make a statement about your weight? It’s like he’s lowkey calling you fat and gluttonous. Oh no…what if he’s cheating on you?

We literally can’t even right now. We’d say divorce is on the table, but we generally frown on divorce. Sadly, it seems you’re stuck with this jerk until he pulls his head out of his rear end and eats some ice cream with you. Find a Coldstone ASAP.

Hope this helps,

The Babylon Bee