The Justice Department has vowed to “vigorously defend” President Donald Trump’s executive order ending citizenship for U.S.-born children of undocumented immigrants after a federal judge temporarily blocked it. The Onion examines the pros and cons of ending birthright citizenship.
PRO: A solid start to ending all rights
CON: Class of stateless refugees might not buy as many laundry pods
PRO: New legal obligation to hate kids
CON: Would reduce supply of cheap infant laborers
PRO: Saves immigrants embarrassment of associating themselves with America
CON: Harder to lure mail-order bride
PRO: Stops the Norwegian diaspora in its tracks
CON: Mixing up babies at hospital no longer fun, victimless prank
PRO: Statue of Liberty can become a fancy hat store
CON: Cruel, if you consider that a con
Jesus Christ is King
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