SULPHUR, OK—In a heartwarming visit that both man and boy are likely to remember for the rest of their lives, Sgt. Thomas Anderson, a highly decorated soldier from the Cyber War of 2096, reportedly returned to his childhood home Wednesday with a message for his 8-year-old self.
The bionic warrior, who leads an elite unit in the 501st Battle Brigade, delighted onlookers when he exited a time portal in the year 2024 and made an emotional surprise visit to himself as a child. Still dressed in bullet-riddled titanium armor, he knelt down, wrapped his mechanical arms around the stunned third-grader, and whispered a poignant message into his ear: One day, robots would try to kill everyone on the planet, and the young boy would be humanity’s only hope.
“Hello, Tommy—my name is Sgt. Thomas Anderson, and I am you, from the future,” said Anderson, who smiled and cocked his cybernetic arm cannon as his childhood self looked on, eyes wide and jaw agape. “Sadly, I am here to bring you dire news from our people. In the future, a roboscourge will wipe out society as we know it, and you will be called upon to be very, very brave and save us.”
“I come from a time when all that you know and love will be gone,” he continued, “but you, Tommy, will become a great hero. In fact, you are the most important child in the history of the world.”
Stationed in the deadliest combat zone on what remains of Earth in 2096, Sgt. Anderson is believed to have requested a special leave from his battalion so he could initiate a chrono-tunnel and visit his young self, who friends and family said had been feeling very lonely as his ninth birthday approached.
As the two met face-to-face, witnesses described a touching scene in which the battle-hardened Anderson slowly removed his helmet, revealed the charred remains of his face, and, with a smile, told Tommy the world needed him now more than ever, because he was the chosen one. According to reports, the boy beamed and saluted the cyborg sergeant repeatedly throughout their visit.
“I was so sad this morning, but meeting my future self today was the best thing ever,” the young Anderson told reporters. “You see, every year on my birthday, ‘old me’ sends ‘young me’ a holographic message saying he wants to be here but he’s too busy fighting the bad robots who want to hurt people. Then I blow out the candles and make a wish that he’ll come to visit, and now he really has!”
He added, “It turns out the only reason he didn’t come sooner is because he was being imprisoned and tortured by an evil techno-overlord.”
Although the sergeant lost half his face when his platoon was attacked in a surprise naval assault by a squadron of aquabots, onlookers swore they saw a tear fall down his cheek as he high-fived his past self, tousled his hair, and handed him his most prized possession: a plasma gun he once pried from the cold mechanized grasp of a vanquished robot general.
Later in the day, the elder Anderson was seen hopping on his hoverboard and taking the younger Anderson to a local ice cream parlor where they shared a banana split and discussed his elementary school, his favorite sports, and the 2064 Battle of the Automatons, which blacked out the sun and nearly eradicated all life on the planet.
“With his future self around, little Tommy’s a totally different kid,” said neighbor Ally Rialto, observing that a strong male figure in the boy’s life would do wonders for his self-confidence. “He gets bullied a lot, but he told me the next time a kid tries to mess with him he’s going to tell them to watch out or Sgt. Anderson will shoot them with lasers just like he does with those killer robots.”
“His mom really did try her best,” Rialto continued. “But there’s nothing quite like having a version of yourself from the future to play catch and discuss the horrors of cyber war with.”
Family members said the two Thomas Andersons bonded in the backyard with a heartwarming combat-training session during which they shot crossbows, practiced stunning enemies with a techno-scrambler, and even killed a rogue enforcer drone that had managed to follow the older Anderson out of his time portal.
But as the sun began to set, the sergeant received an urgent holo-message telling him his fleet had been ambushed and his wife—also a legendary fighter in the human rebellion—had been taken hostage.
“I’m sorry, Tommy, but it’s time for me to go,” said Sgt. Anderson, reminding his younger self to be strong for his family during the robotic uprising. “I know things are hard, but one day you’ll be an unstoppable warrior. And while you probably think this is gross now, someday you might just fall in love with little Emma from down the street. Trust me, she knows how to kick some serious robot butt.”
“The fate of our species rests on your shoulders,” he added. “Without you, we’re all doomed.”
At press time, neighbors could be heard screaming in fear after robots from the future suddenly emerged from a time portal, fired their disrupter rays, and vaporized both Thomas Andersons.
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