Jesus' Coming Back

White House Reporters Mystified By Press Secretary Who Answers Questions

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Following the first briefing by Karoline Leavitt, White House press reporters expressed surprise and consternation due to having a press secretary who actually answered their questions.

The experience came as a stark departure from what the press pool journalists had experienced for the last four years, leaving them confounded by getting the information they asked for without continual runaround and evasion.

“What… what is this madness?” asked Fox News White House correspondent Peter Doocy. “I should go get myself checked out by a doctor. I must be hallucinating. I had some type of waking dream today where I was in the White House briefing room, and there was this blonde woman there. And… and I asked her a question… and she just… answered. She just answered the question. There’s no way it was real, right? That doesn’t happen, does it?”

Members of the media expressed suspicion that something was amiss at the briefing. “It just felt off,” said CNN’s Kaitlan Collins. “There was something truly unsettling about being in there, asking questions, and getting straight answers. None of us were used to working that way, so we weren’t sure what to do. Do we, like, write down her answers? Report them to our viewers? Is that how it goes? I’m asking because I genuinely don’t know.”

Sources said the press was caught off-guard by how quickly and efficiently the briefing was, having been used to it meandering in a painfully awkward way for several hours.

At publishing time, White House officials advised Leavitt to attempt to obfuscate her answers somewhat so as to not send the reporters into shock next time.

Babylon Bee subscriber ToeJam FootBall contributed to this report. If you want to pitch your own headline ideas to our staff, click here to check out all of our membership options!

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