HELL — Embattled magazine Christianity Today received some good news today, as it was revealed that Satan had renewed his subscription.
The Prince of Darkness had been on the fence about whether or not to continue as a subscriber to the once-Christian magazine but found himself having a resurgence in interest in the content the periodical had been producing of late.
“I’m just really digging the stuff they’re putting out these days,” the Father of Lies said. “I used to read it just to see what all my enemies were up to and how I could come up with new and creative ways to attack them, but over time, I’ve found them to be more and more aligned with my worldview. What can I say? I’m a fan.”
Editors at Christianity Today claimed to have no idea why Satan would be such a big supporter of their work. “No, that can’t be right,” said editor Stan Bigham. “There must be some mistake. Why would Satan love us so much? Did the Lord of Darkness really buy a hundred gift subscriptions for people? I don’t get it.”
At publishing time, sources had confirmed that an excited Satan had applied to be a guest writer at Christianity Today.
Babylon Bee subscriber The Big Freeze contributed to this report. If you want to pitch your own headline ideas to our staff, click here to check out all of our membership options!
Travis is back on his mission to interview everyone. Next on the list is celebrity chef and restauranteur Andrew Gruel.
Jesus Christ is King
Comments are closed.