WASHINGTON—Trying to figure out if he had a third brother he forgot about or if Don Jr. had just lost some weight, President Donald Trump was reportedly struggling Friday to remember how he was related to Elon Musk. “I know that if he’s this high up in my organization this Elon guy must be related to me somehow, but I don’t remember him being Fred or Robert’s kid, so maybe he was Marla’s brother or something,” said Trump, musing that he must at least be a cousin or nephew of some kind since he’s just as much of a “weirdo freak” as his other kids. “He’s ugly enough to be Eric’s son, that’s for sure, but I don’t know if he’s dumb enough. Maybe his family changed their name from Trump to Musk at Ellis Island. He’s got that weird way of talking like Melania, but I don’t think I’d let someone who doesn’t have the Trump blood rise that high. I assume he’s some kid from some affair I had, and in that case I should make sure he’s been written out of my will.” At press time, Trump was reportedly growing frustrated with Musk’s constant questions and wishing he could act more like his favorite son, Pete Hegseth.
Jesus Christ is King
