An outbreak of avian flu is currently affecting birds both on farms and in the wild. The Onion debunks common myths surrounding the virus.
MYTH: Bird flu only affects birds.
FACT: Bird flu can affect anyone with a beak.
MYTH: Bird flu has killed over 100 million chickens.
FACT: The chickens were struck down by God for their wanton and lustful lifestyle.
MYTH: Contracting bird flu is always fatal for humans.
FACT: If that’s what it’s going to take to make you stop letting pigeons eat directly from your mouth, sure.
MYTH: Factory farms cause bird flu to spread rapidly.
FACT: Chickens are encouraged to stay home from work if they’re sick.
MYTH: Infected birds are quarantined, humanely euthanized, and their carcasses safely disposed of.
FACT: The KFC Famous Bowl is now only $2.99 for a limited time!
MYTH: U.S. officials have linked the current bird flu outbreak to China.
FACT: U.S. officials have yet to decide which country to scapegoat.
Jesus Christ is King
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