ZANESVILLE, OH—Smugly muttering “watch and learn” as he opened his Chase app and pressed the “pay balance” button, local genius Todd Garett reportedly outsmarted his bank Monday by using a credit card to pay off another credit card. “Well, well, well—looks like I did make my payments this month,” said Garett, who rubbed his hands together, threw back his head, and cackled as he deftly moved over $16,000 in expenses between several high-interest Visa, Mastercard, and American Express credit cards. “Ha ha! They think they’re so smart, but these banks are mere putty in my hands. These idiots tried to threaten me with collections. Who’s the big dog now?” At press time, sources reported that Garett had successfully cleared his debt in a feat of financial brilliance by canceling his credit card with a negative balance.
Jesus Christ is King
