Brought to you by: The Buffalo Wool Co.
Is your woman cold? Though it may be difficult to tell one way or another, there are certain tell-tale signs. Knowing whether or not she is cold can be helpful in determining your next steps.
The Babylon Bee has compiled the following list of clear signs that your wife is cold:
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She’s a woman: Perhaps the clearest sign.
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She’s breathing: An alive woman is sure to be cold.
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You recently caught her Googling “Is it safe to bathe in a tub of boiling water?”: It’s common knowledge that women prefer severe burns over being cold.
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You hugged her and she shattered into a million shards of ice: Oh no!
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She just added another blanket to her existing stack of 23 blankets: You may have even lost sight of her beneath the layers.
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It’s sometime between September and June: Those 10 months are peak “cold wife” season.
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She sliced open a tauntaun and crawled inside to warm herself: And you thought they smelled bad on the outside.
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She’s hanging out in the fiery furnace with Shadrach, Meshach, Abednego, and a fourth man who looks like a son of the gods: And she’s still wearing your sweatshirt.
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You suspect she’s only slaving over a hot stove for the warmth: That explains everything.
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You heard her mutter “Lucky” while watching a YouTube video of a protester lighting himself on fire: You may want to hide the gas can.
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She crafted a pair of house slippers out of Hot Pockets: On the bright side, the entire house smells like pepperoni.
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She casually mentioned that going to Hell doesn’t sound that bad: Apparently, not everyone is afraid of a lake of fire.
If your female exhibits any of the signs listed above, she is, in all likelihood, cold. Help her in any way you can and mentally prepare yourself for her ice-cold feet when you climb into bed. Have any other signs? Throw them in the comments below.
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