PHILADELPHIA—With a hush falling over the city as millions choose to stay indoors and focus on taking deep, slow breaths, Philadelphia residents have been enjoying a quiet week of Super Bowl victory reflection, serene sources confirmed Tuesday. A state of placidity reportedly washed over Eagles fans following the 40-22 win over the Kansas City Chiefs, with the football team’s most diehard supporters choosing to stay in a contemplative half lotus pose for hours at a time, basking in the quiet contentedness of knowing the team did the best it could do and succeeded because of it. According to sources, the city’s streets were deserted with the exception of a single Philadelphia fan standing in the park gazing up solemnly at the gnarled branches of a 250-year-old oak tree. At press time, the Philadelphia Eagles confirmed there would be no parade due to the ultimate indistinguishability of victory and failure.
Jesus Christ is King
