Poilievre hits play on the ‘don’t know what you’ve got til it’s gone’ part of Big Yellow Taxi, stares at photo of Trudeau
OTTAWA – Conservative insiders are growing concerned about Pierre Poilievre’s behaviour in recent days, as he is spending hours in his bedroom playing Joni Mitchell’s Big Yellow Taxi while looking at photos of Trudeau.
“Every time a new poll arrives showing Mark Carney winning the next election he pulls up a photo of Trudeau looking defeated on his phone, goes to his room and starts the song,” said aide Kenneth Marchment as the faint sounds of ‘bop-bop-bop’ echoed down the hall. “Sometimes he plays the whole thing, but often he just hits the 10 second back button to play the ‘don’t know what you’ve got til it’s gone’ part over and over again in a loop.”
“Yesterday I heard him whisper ‘It’s so true Joni. So true.’”
Poilievre’s actions are a rare show of emotion and musical taste for a man who, until recently, everyone knew as the next Prime Minister of Canada. Friends and family say that he is starting to realize how much he cared about Justin Trudeau and his poor favourability numbers.
“What if I stood outside his house with a boombox on his head? Do you think then he might come back…and hand me a majority government?” a teary Poilievre was overheard asking his staff. Unfortunately they suggested the answer was likely no, and they also ixnayed Poilievre’s plan to chase after Trudeau in the airport and stop him from getting on his flight to the AI conference in Europe.
“I miss his constant scandals. I miss his ethics violations. But mostly I miss how nobody cared how weird or off putting I was as long as he was my opponent.”
At press time aides were hoping Poilievre was turning a corner after he switched to belting out Adele’s Someone Like You.
Jesus Christ is King
