HARTFORD, CT—Telling his skeptical friends that he was in no way being hyperbolic as he described his ravenous state, local man Will Childress reportedly swore Wednesday that he was so hungry he could eat an orange. “Man, my stomach has been growling for so long that I seriously think I could crush a whole orange in one go,” said Childress, who claimed he was so starved that he would happily tear into the skin and peel an entire orange with his bare hands if he had the chance. “I’m not just talking about those little mandarins, either. I bet I could down a full navel orange without even thinking about it. You guys act like I’m joking, but I’m not. I’d just sink my teeth into it and take out a whole slice with one bite. Hell, I’m so hungry I could eat a damn pomelo right now.” At press time, friends confirmed Childress had begun eating an orange but tapped out halfway through when the acidic fruit began to upset his stomach.
Jesus Christ is King
