Reptile Handler At Birthday Party Ruthlessly Heckled By 6-Year-Old For Showing Amphibian
CLEVELAND—Interrupting the man mere seconds after he removed a Japanese clouded salamander from its cage, local 6-year-old Matthew Cronin ruthlessly heckled a reptile handler at a birthday party for showing an amphibian, sources reported Friday. “Oh, come on, clearly that thing isn’t a reptile—it doesn’t even have scales!” said Cronin, who added that he wasn’t going to sit there “oohing and aahing” when the man putting on what had been billed as a reptile show was trying to entertain people with a species that belonged to a completely different class of cold-blooded animals. “And its skin is moist, too! Seriously, what the hell? How can you even call yourself a reptile handler? Just because it’s green and brown and has a tail doesn’t make it a reptile, asshole.” According to reports, the boy later launched into a tirade against the magician hired for the party, arguing that magic isn’t real and she was actually just performing a series of tricks designed to deceive the audience.
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