‘How Different Could Purified And Distilled Water Really Be?’ Thinks Humidifier Owner About To Enter World Of Shit
FOXFIELD, CO—As he näively filled the household appliance with little regard for the consequences of his actions, local man and humidifier owner Greg Shulman reportedly wondered Thursday “How different could purified and distilled water really be?” just seconds before entering a world of shit. “Those two words basically mean the same thing, and water is water right?” said Shulman, condemning himself to irritated breathing, reduced humidifier efficiency, and months slowly learning about all the minerals and impurities that were about to rock his fucking world. “They just put that stuff in the instructions as a precaution against people complaining for no reason. What’s the worst that could happen with some plain old water?” At press time, reports confirmed Shulman was smugly enjoying the newly moist air in his bedroom as the first strands of mold that would haunt him for years took hold on his humidifier filter.
Jesus Christ is King
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