House Hunters Episode Derailed After BlackRock Buys All 3 Properties

ORANGE, CA — A new episode of HGTV’s House Hunters was derailed yesterday after BlackRock quickly purchased all three of the potential properties.
In a first for the fan-favorite show, the prospective homebuyers were left without any options at the end of the episode, as the global investment firm swept in to snap up all three houses to add to its growing U.S. real estate portfolio.
“Oh no!” said the host to the prospective homebuyers. “It looks like these homes are no longer available. In fact, it seems there are now no longer any homes available in this neighborhood and you can no longer afford to live here. Too bad!”
“It’s probably something we’re going to have to deal with from now on,” said House Hunters producer Jennifer Davis. “We were getting ready to present our featured couple with their three options, but at the last moment, we were notified that BlackRock had purchased all three properties and would never allow them to hit the market again. The buyers were disappointed, but there’s nothing anyone can do about it.”
The episode’s featured homebuyers, Gavin and Emily Harmon, were taken by surprise when they were told they were left with no options. “We definitely had the impression we were going to, you know, get a house,” Emily said. “With the title of the show being House Hunters and all, it was surprising to find out that all of the houses we looked at were absorbed by a shadowy corporation intent on dominating the global real estate market and destroying the dream of home ownership. Oh well. I guess we’ll keep looking tomorrow.”
At publishing time, HGTV announced that the show would be rebranded as House Renters starting next season.
Purchasing congresspeople has never been easier for lobbyists!